Some thoughts on knowing God

Over the last few months I have pondered the question of how I know God. God, incredibly and crazily invites us to know Him, its part of why He made us. Our God who flung the stars into outer space and knows the detail of every microscopic everything ever, wants me to know Him. Awesome beyond rational comprehension! He has laid this before us and invited us to be His friend.

On paper I have good ‘knowing God’ qualifications, I have been a Christian for over 25 years (Oh flip!), have a Masters in Theology, have always worked hard and been busy for God, am not really very naughty and am a Vicar’s wife. I sound like Paul explaining why he was such a fab Pharisee. Oh, it’s easy to be blinded! You see, we can look right on the outside but still not get around to really knowing God.

A few months ago I went on a Catch the Fire conference to hear Isabel Allum speak. She is a woman who knows God. Suddenly for the first time I felt like I was with someone who really knew God, who was really friends with Jesus. You know, properly friends, not just saying it, real hanging out together friends. And honestly, the coolest miracles come with being friends with Jesus, it’s just His style. Isabel’s experience of knowing God opened my eyes to a whole new realm of relationship with Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It made me wonder how many real friends God has. And I realised I had a long way to go…

Unfortunately, by nature I’m pretty hard on myself. I see bad stuff in myself all the time, it is my default position. It’s a bit frustrating to be honest, but the enemy knows what he is doing, he knows how to get to me. However, I have, over the last few years learnt some of his slimy ways, his tricks for turning me from the truth. I am grateful for this because now I recognise him I can boot him out quicker, less painfully and with more strength. Hurray for that! Honestly, giving into the Devil is such a waste of time! (And really, if there is one thing I can’t stand, its wasting time (said the Martha in me (perhaps here lieith the problem?)). However, some days I feel I recognise the ways of the enemy more than I recognise God’s loving ways. I’m not at all saying God isn’t there or doing His thing, I’m just not recognising Him in the way that I might.

God has promised that He will always be with us. A wonderful truth. He is with me right now. I don’t feel Him particularly, but I believe it. To be honest, reminding myself of that truth is enough to make me stop right now and worship, and to ask Him again to help me with this. And yes, when I stop and engage with him, His closeness becomes more obvious. Trouble is, you can be with someone in a room and not engage with them at all. Like a marriage, it takes an effort to connect properly. You can be right with them, but you still have to choose to get to know them, their heart, who they really are. You have to look at each other, stop what you are doing and chat, share heart to heart, study them over time, be real and honest together. You reap what you sow. If you want to know and love God you need to sow into your relationship with Him, and really make it about a relationship rather than just a learning and doing process. Sometimes I can feel too busy for that, but without it everything else is probably missing the point. When I say too busy, I don’t really think that is a good excuse. We always make time for what is most precious to us, although sometimes that has to involve some reflection and doing life a bit differently. To be honest, life will always be busy, and I can’t afford to do any of it without Him!

While knowing about God isn’t really quite the same as knowing God, it is of course helpful for us to study who God is through studying His word. After three babies, and not enough sleep for a gazzilion years (mainly my own fault, I confess, just have more pressing things to do than sleep!), I have the most awful memory. It’s a problem for me because I just really struggle to remember scripture, I can do a detailed study of something and by day 3 I have forgotten all about it. I asked the Lord the other day to help me with this. He said, really rather quickly, to go to bed a 10pm. Oh. That. Is. No. Fun. I guess it means an ongoing 10pm, rather than just a one off. Oh. I imagine my life descending quickly into disorganised chaos because so much ‘making life work’ stuff happens after 10pm, and any scraps of ‘me’ time have to be relegated to happening while asleep. God is bigger than me though, and knows me thoroughly, so I’ll choose to trust Him on this. (Ok, must go…9:46pm, I am trying to be obedient!)

…Ok, back again! What I was going to say before being obedient was… knowing scripture so helps in knowing God, it isn’t really knowing God, but we know who we are looking out for, who we are having a relationship with, what His ways are, how we might please Him, or offend Him. How much He loves us, just for being who we are. Without Scripture we might find ourselves worshipping in the wrong direction, or confused about why our God isn’t being who He we think He should be. Knowing Scripture helps us learn what God’s voice sounds like, and to me, that seems key in knowing God. Being able to hear God’s voice seems key to knowing Him. We can’t have a proper relationship with someone whose voice we do not recognise. I struggle with this, it is my tussle. Sometimes I feel as though I just don’t hear, or hope to hear in ways that I don’t. I hear His voice through the bible, and sometimes I just go with hoping I have heard His voice in my inner conscience (like the going to bed at 10pm thing), and see what happens. I know God speaks like this, but I’ve been wrong about it so many times, it makes the journey slow. Other times I reflect and think I have heard, but realised it was probably God too late. Like recently, while on holiday, I felt I should text a friend about not letting my chickens out that day. I didn’t get around to it, and they got ‘got’ that evening. My knowing God is growing, but He must be a bit frustrated about my ‘hit and miss’ hearing of Him; so am I! “Lord help me remember your word, help me recognise your voice”.

“Be still and know that I am God”. I’m a bit anti stuff at the moment. God spoke to me recently about not storing up treasures on earth, and it has caused me to begin a journey of de-cluttering and clearing space, making space for Jesus. I don’t sit down easily, and my junk has distracted me and eroded quality time, kept me busy doing nothing; stuff just does. So, bit by bit it needs to go. My kitchen has changed in the past few days, I have cleared surfaces, found hidden homes for everything I need, and sent to the charity shop everything that I don’t. It has cleared my mental space no end, and I can feel my airways so much more open to God, so much ‘stiller’. My kitchen can be a place I can experience God more easily now. I need to know God in my kitchen because I spend quite a lot of time there, doing what God has called me to do. When I am not in the moment of sitting and shutting my eyes to be still, being in a non chaotic environment really helps me connect with Him.

Being still physically and taking specific time out, every day, if not more than once a day is also a must. I find reading the Bible with a pen ready to underline and make comments really helpful, journaling helps my wandering mind focus so much better and I so often hear His sweet whisper when I do this. Having a heart open to Him, forgiving everyone I need to, trying to be a disciple rather than just a believer, listening to worship music as often as I can, reminding me of who God is and His truth to us. All these things put me in a place for knowing my God better. When I think about it, it is the most fundamental thing in life, and it worthy of everything I can give it.